This post is part of an ongoing conversation with one of my students at the GoodLion School of Discipleship.
We meet every other week in a little church building in the Midwest. We talk about Jesus, wrestle with the hard parts of the Bible, eat snacks, and occasionally cry. I love these students. They’re real. They’re raw. They ask the questions the rest of us are too embarrassed or jaded to say out loud.
Recently, one of them shot me a message that went something like this (paraphrased):
“Hey, what do you think about people who say they aren’t religious, but they have a relationship with Jesus?
Like, they don’t go to church, and they’re kinda against organized religion…
But they still believe in Jesus, follow Him, and read the Bible.
Is that wrong? Is it sinful?
Also… what about non-denominational churches? How do they fit into this mess?”
Love it. These are the questions. They come from a heart that genuinely wants to do this Christian thing right, but also isn’t about to fake it for the sake of tradition.
So let me give you my best shot at a response. This one’s for you, student-who-shall-not-be-named-but-who-I-think-is-awesome.
1. “It’s Not About Religion, It’s About Relationship”
I used to say this all the time as a youth pastor. Okay—still do. Usually with way too much passion and a whiteboard drawing of the temple veil ripping in half.
Because it’s true. Deeply true.
The Old Testament was built on a religious system that created distance between people and God. Priests. Sacrifices. Rituals. Rules. You had to go through something or someone to get to God. And even then, you couldn’t get very close.
Then came Jesus.
He blew the whole thing wide open.
He didn’t just rip the veil in the temple… His own body was torn for us.
And He did it to bring us back to the Garden. Back to Eden.
Back to walking-with-God-in-the-cool-of-the-day vibes. (I always imagine Him as being 3x taller than Adam and Eve”.) 😂
So yes: Christianity at its core is about relationship.
Direct access.
Abba Father.
Spirit living in us.
Union with Christ.
Mind-blowing, scandalous intimacy with the Creator of the cosmos.
That’s never been just about rules or Sunday rituals.
But…
2. Christianity is actually a Religion (Just Not a Perfectly Organized One)
Let’s not pretend it’s not. Christianity, by definition, is one of the world’s great religions (I’d argue the greatest, but I’m obviously biased.)
And any religion has systems: creeds, beliefs, communities, rhythms, practices.
It’s not inherently bad to have those. In fact, the right systems can help anchor you when your emotions are all over the place and your spiritual energy is fried. Which—spoiler alert—happens often.
But yes, the church has messed this up more times than we can count.
Sometimes churches build empires instead of families.
Sometimes pastors act more like CEOs or cult leaders than shepherds.
Sometimes communities hold to political ideology harder than the teachings of Jesus.
And yeah, sometimes the weirdest corners of the church make it onto the news, giving all of us a black eye.
So if you’re someone who’s said, “I follow Jesus, but I can’t do organized religion,”
…I get it.
You probably experienced something painful or hypocritical or manipulative.
And maybe now, just hearing “church” makes your stomach twist a little.
That’s not sin.
That’s called trauma.
Let’s call it what it is. And let’s not shame people for it.
3. Can You Follow Jesus Without Being Part of a Church?
Short answer?
Yes.
Longer answer?
Yes… but you’re going to have an extremely hard time and miss out on 99% of the riches of the Kingdom in your earthly life.
Here’s the deal. If you were stranded on a desert island, no church building, no Bible… just prayer and a coconut tree, I fully believe you could follow Jesus there. You could pray, worship, obey His words, and grow spiritually through connecting with Christ.
You could even start your own weird version of communion using coconut milk and sand dollars. (Okay, maybe not that, but you get the point.)
But God didn’t design us to live on spiritual desert islands.
You weren’t meant to do this alone.
The Church (capital C) is called the Body of Christ for a reason. It’s not the pinky toe of Christ. Or the floating kneecap. It’s a body. That means we’re connected. Interdependent. Meant to work together.
And when you disconnect from that body—no matter how justified you feel—you start to wither.
I know this firsthand.
4. Personal Confession: The Season I Had to Relearn Community
After stepping out of my full-time role at a church and moving to a new state, I didn’t drift. I didn’t deconstruct. I didn’t stop showing up.
I was still all in.
I kept teaching. I led discipleship groups. I hosted Bible studies and recorded podcasts. I prayed. I read. I worshipped. I poured myself into ministry just like I always had… but this time, it wasn’t from a stage. It was from the sidelines. The shadows. The kitchen tables and coffee shops.
What I had to relearn—what God had to rebuild in me—was how to follow Jesus without the constant validation of a platform.
How to obey Him in the quiet, in the grind, in the mess of everyday life.
But here’s what I didn’t expect:
After our previous decade of providing community for others, my wife and I realized we had very little of it for ourselves.
That was the gut punch.
I had always been the one hosting, planning, teaching, discipling.
But now… who was discipling me?
Who was praying for us when our world fell apart?
Who was bringing us into the circle when we weren’t leading it?
We were starving for community. And we didn’t even realize how empty we were until the storms hit.
And man… they hit.
Job loss. Miscarriage. Moving across the country. Financial strain. Crushing loneliness.
I didn’t need a brand or a building in that season.
I needed people.
People who checked in.
People who made us meals.
People who sat with us in silence.
People who reminded me that Jesus hadn’t forgotten us.
People who were the body of Christ to us.
That’s when it hit me all over again:
You cannot do this alone.
You weren’t meant to.
Jesus didn’t just call us to believe in Him—He called us to belong to one another. And as messy as the Church can be, when it’s real, when it’s loving, when it’s Christ-centered… it’s one of the most beautiful things on earth.
5. Is Every Church a Cult? (No. But Some Are Definitely Weird.)
Let’s be real.
Some churches do have cult-like vibes.
Like the ones where the pastor is treated like a mini-messiah,
or where questioning leadership is seen as rebellion,
or where fringe doctrines are preached louder than the gospel.
But don’t throw the whole global Church into that camp.
Most churches are just groups of imperfect people trying their best to love Jesus and love each other.
They’ll mess up.
They might sing songs you don’t like or use too many fog machines.
But if they’re pointing to Jesus, preaching grace, and creating space for the Spirit to move…
they’re worth sticking with.
6. So What About Non-Denominational Churches?
Yep, they’re part of this too.
Being non-denominational doesn’t automatically make a church healthy or toxic. It just means they aren’t formally linked to a larger denomination.
Some are amazing. Others are dumpster fires.
Don’t judge a church by the sign on the building.
Judge it by the fruit.
Is there love?
Grace?
Accountability?
Humility?
The presence of Jesus?
That’s what matters.
7. Final Word to My Student (and Anyone Else Wrestling With This)
I don’t think you’re wrong for asking these questions.
I want you to ask them.
I want you to be honest about what hurts and what’s confusing.
I want you to wrestle with the tension of relationship vs. religion, tradition vs. trauma, isolation vs. community.
But don’t stop wrestling.
Don’t settle for being a spiritual hermit.
Don’t let bad experiences rob you of something God created to be very good.
There is no perfect church.
But there is a perfect Savior.
And His bride—the Church—is messy and radiant and wounded and glorious all at once.
She’s worth fighting for.
She’s worth healing with.
And you, my friend, are needed in her.
Still in the mess. Still in the fight. Still not giving up.
–A
