This question was sent in by a student during a Q&A session with the Good Fight Church Youth Group:
“My relationship with my parents is awful. How am I supposed to be nice even when I’m hurt?”
First, let me just say — I hear you.
This is hard.
Navigating a broken relationship, especially with parents, is one of the most painful things a person can face. Because parents are supposed to be the ones who love us the most, protect us, guide us.
So when that relationship breaks, whether it’s through rebellion, hurtful words, or deeper wounds, it leaves scars.
But the question isn’t, “How do I make this easy?”
The question is, “How do I honor Jesus in the middle of this mess?”
The Call to Love
Let’s start with what Jesus says:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:43–45)
Jesus doesn’t let us off the hook.
Even when we’re hurt, even when we’re wronged, He calls us to love.
Now, I’m not saying your parents are your enemies.
But if they’ve hurt you — whether intentionally or unintentionally — it can feel like they are.
And Jesus doesn’t just say, “Be nice to them.”
He raises the bar: Love them. Pray for them.
The Complexity of Broken Relationships
But let’s get practical. Because relationships with parents are complex. They’re layered.
And brokenness in that relationship can come from different places.
1. Sometimes the Brokenness Is on Our End
Let’s be honest — sometimes the reason a relationship is broken is because of rebellion on our part.
We disobey. We lash out. We hold onto resentment. And instead of honoring our parents, as Scripture commands in Exodus 20:12, we let pride or anger drive a wedge.
In those cases, the first step is repentance.
Psalm 139:23–24 is a good place to start:
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Ask Jesus to search your heart. Are there ways you’ve wronged your parents? Have you spoken disrespectfully? Have you been holding onto bitterness?
If so, confess it to God. Then, take the next step — ask your parents for forgiveness.
I know it’s scary. But humility can open doors that pride keeps shut.
2. Sometimes the Brokenness Is on Their End
Other times, the reality is that some parents don’t follow Jesus’ example. Some parents sin against their children.
It’s a hard truth, but the brokenness of this world doesn’t stop at the family door.
Some parents wound their kids deeply — through harsh words, neglect, anger, or worse.
In those cases, it’s not about excusing their behavior. It’s about asking Jesus to help you respond in a way that honors Him.
What Does That Look Like?
1. Pray for Them
This is the foundation. Whether the brokenness is on your end, their end, or somewhere in between, pray for your parents.
Pray for their hearts. Pray for their relationship with Jesus (or that they’d come to know Him). Pray for healing in your relationship.
And pray for yourself — ask God to give you love for them, even when it feels impossible.
2. Forgive Them
Forgiveness is hard, but it’s essential.
In Matthew 6:14–15, Jesus says:
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It doesn’t mean letting someone walk all over you.
But it does mean releasing the anger and bitterness that can poison your heart.
Forgiveness is more about your freedom than theirs.
3. Honor Them
Even when it’s hard, God calls us to honor our parents.
This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything they do. It doesn’t mean letting them hurt you without boundaries.
But it does mean treating them with respect. Speaking kindly. Choosing humility over pride. Obeying when it’s in line with what God teaches.
Ephesians 6:1–3 says:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ — which is the first commandment with a promise — ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’”
Honor is not conditional. It’s not based on how “good” your parents are.
It’s based on your obedience to God.
Theological Depth: Loving in the Way of Jesus
Jesus is our model for how to love in the middle of brokenness.
Think about the cross. Jesus was betrayed, abandoned, mocked, beaten — and yet His response was, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
That’s the kind of love He calls us to. A love that’s sacrificial. Unconditional. Rooted not in how others treat us, but in who He is.
But here’s the thing: You can’t muster that kind of love on your own.
You need the Holy Spirit to work in your heart, to fill you with God’s love so it overflows into your relationship with your parents.
Romans 5:5 says:
“God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
Let Him do the work in you.
Final Encouragement
This won’t be easy. Loving when you’re hurt never is.
But remember, Jesus isn’t asking you to fix the relationship on your own. He’s asking you to trust Him. To take small steps of obedience. To let Him heal what’s broken — in your heart and theirs.
And know this: You’re not alone.
The God who calls you to love is the same God who will equip you to do it.
An important end note for young Christians who may be in abusive situations:
If you are dealing with any sort of abuse — whether verbal, physical, or sexual — , as hard as it may be, you need to seek help.
You are not alone, and this is not something you are meant to carry on your own. Find a trusted adult you can speak with — a teacher, pastor, counselor, or family friend.
Your safety and well-being matter deeply to God, and reaching out for help is a brave and important step.
Youth Q&A: How to navigate broken relatioships with parents? was originally published in GoodLion Theology on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
